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Newbie Throwdown Update

Pull-ups 3-3-3-1-1-1
+ 1 Set Max Dead Hang

AMRAP 10 min
10 Chest Slapping Push-ups
20 Ball Slams
50m Farmers Walk 80/53

The throwdown is looking great, those of you who are taking advantage of the Friday nights, making sure you are commenting on the blogs posts, participating with your team… Keep it up and GREAT JOB.  Travis informs me that there are some teams that are taking this very serious and doing exactly what I hoped.  So in the spirit of the GAMES… If you are BRAND NEW TO CFES or simply missed the boat on joining a team… There are a few slots left and we would like to see another 2 full teams put together.  SEE TRAVIS AT THE GYM OR CONTACT HIM ASAP. Travis@crossfiteastsac.com.
Incentives to step up the comments, show up on Fridays 5:00pm to 6:30pm and make sure you are fired up for this throwdown…

  • This friday we will be giving out one tip about how to prepare for “WHAT EVENT”.  If you attend, who knows what you will learn.
  • There will be awards given out for particpation and spirit of CFES (If you don’t have a team name by now, AH-HEM! seriously? Get with it)
  • Comments about your workouts the blog or anything you want to say are being monitored by Travis and myself… Your participation is being graded as captains and as newbies for COMMENTS…

If you have any questions, if you aren’t being contacted by a coach yet, if you as a coach haven’t been able to contact a teammate or any other question. Please see Travis and or Brooke and have them ask them directly as they teach the majority of the classes and will track that person down ASAP.  Some of the Phone #’s and e-mails aren’t current so it may be the case that your coach has attempted but can’t contact you.

Finally, we need some volunteers for the throwdown that day… judges, scorekeepers, help set up etc…. Please e-mail travis as he is coordinating the programming and will give you a specific task for that day.  Thank you so much for all your volunteering in the past, these events don’t go down without you.

Now a little entertainment from one of the all time classic scenes that I find totally hilarious… YES THERE IS A HINT HERE AS TO WHAT MIGHT BE IN THE THROWDOWN COMPETITION!
On a serious note however, be glad you guys are all in a box that can laugh at this scene in a completely different way than the average member of a globo gym.  Think about it… the only reason this scene is so dam commical is because there are millions of dollars being made by people selling this notion that they can workout ABS in 8 min per day and presto, you can look like CORI AND TRAVIS in 30 days or less. Anyway, you guys get the point.  Now grab some nuts and hardboiled eggs and sit back and enjoy this scene that is downright hilarious if you ask me.

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81 comments

  1. brother mike

    I am hoping the clue is a reference to the abs- like 7 minute AMRAP GHDs (which would be awful) and not a reference to whatever was going on in the field . . .

  2. Are we running on a wheel? But, that would be technically hard to build with wood, and is not a very natural movement. So instead, I am up for an abs segment to the game.
    And by the way Olga, Hah! I was right. Posts do count. Mike P is on my team and we are stompin’ on all the lurkers!!

  3. dawn

    I’m with Mike. Thought the same thing.

  4. Tash: wouldn’t have taken you for a trash talker. OK well that’s the way it is I guess. Whatever.

  5. Tash, good for you but I’ve got my team covered, not to worry.
    As to the clue for workout besides the obvious abs there are going to be sand bags :P.

  6. Actually, now that I think about it I don’t want sand bags, I’d rather do ab-mat sit ups.

  7. brother mike

    I’m not looking at just beating newbies in the throwdown, I am taking some pretty serious aim at some of the throwdown team captains (and some family members).
    And Olga-
    Sandbags, pull ups or push press;
    In shorts, with no shirt or wearin’ a dress;
    It won’t matter the workout;
    Cuz I am gonna toughout;
    Any WOD better than the res’.

  8. Los Chupacabras will get more work done in 7 minutes than mere mortals get done in 10! Bring it!

  9. I am loving all of your simplistic parallel assumptions as the the clue that might be in this clip… I assure you, I am a bit more zen than this 7min amrap or abs for time! But keep the guesses coming. I love seeing the trash talk and the motivation toward encouraging others! Scores are already being tallied and points are already being awarded. Any teams missing from this comment section… I’d hate to see you guys start the throwdown 20 points behind some teams. Coaches? Make sure your team is reading the blog and commenting. Posting scores in the comment section is totally encouraged as well.

  10. Wow, Bro Mike… You plan to beat down mom? Really? Was your childhood THAT bad?
    You know she’s your mom, right?

  11. brother mike

    Could have been talking about my sister-in-law too, but neither Mom nor Jamie is coaching a team.
    Thought it was pretty clear who I was calling out on that one.

  12. Edgar

    Honeybadgers… I can’t make it tonight but I got my WOD in this morning. Sorry I am going to miss the team workout.
    Also— it looks like we are going to need to put in some work in the comments section!

  13. Ok, I’m bringing wraps, Justin, build the octagon… After the throwdown we are going to have a traditional ass whooping, red neck style. My money is on Matt. Odds are 3/1 for those who want to bet! Travis will cover the spreads if you win?

  14. brother mike

    Chris, we could do Matt’s favorite instead- push ups. Rumor has it he is still sore from Saturday.

  15. on Coach Stonier’s team but we don’t have a name yet … my official suggestion, Team Jerk Face. Because our Jerks will melt your face w/ their sheer velocity, splitting atoms & releasing radiation. Based on this video with Ben Stiller, I’m thinking there will be a competition on being a terrible actor.

  16. AN OCTAGON!! YES!! Before joining CFES, I was nearly a member at Urijah Faber’s Ultimate Fitness on I Street. (Nevermind that I would have been a 6′ 3″ dude in the lightweight division. Thanks for CFES, I would now be a welterweight. Yes!) I’ve always thought MMA would be cool to try. BTW, I’ll take Mike in the bout at 3/1 odds. Heck, he’s my teammate, I’ll take him at even money.
    (Sung to the theme of GI Joe)
    Got to get tough / Yo Bro!

  17. Yesterday was my 1st Foundations Class! You guys were great, so supportive. Especially, you Dawn. It is a testament to the Box that Justin, Trav, Chris and Brooke have created. Creating a community, a support system, is a difficult thIng to do.
    I knew Brooke’s coaching was going to be awesome. After personal training with her since March of ’09 (through 2 pregnancies: 2 baby girls born 353 days apart. It’s ok to laugh, Matt P. and I do all the time..), I knew I was in great hands.
    Ok, this shit just got real!! I think Sabrina is on to something. Chris and Travis have created some sort of 7 minute gauntlet, probably lovingly referred to as the “7 Deadly Zens”… 7 stations, maybe sandbag, double unders, pull ups, and my least favorite, the GHD thing. You know I’m new if I don’t even know the proper name…
    Oh, and just you people wait for Derek D. Waterman’s team to reveal it’s name. It’s gonna blow your mind Sheen style.

  18. I want to say that im really impressed with the response of the coaches and athletes to this task. Harlan, Sabrina, Liz, Trey especially are taking this very seriously (Matt P even though he doesnt have a full team yet). It is great to see seasoned members helping new folks with their goat exercises, making team workouts to address weaknesses and skills. This is exactly what we wanted, to build a larger, closer community. You all have rose to the challenge and i am really proud. Those of you who need a teammate due to a dropout or whatever i have a few athletes to throw into the mix, so call me or email and i will put you in contact.

  19. Sean T.

    From Wikipedia:
    “Honey badgers are notoriously fearless and tough animals, having been known to savagely attack their enemies when escape is impossible.”
    Bring on the Octagon!

  20. JP- Awesome to have you as an actual member of the gym.
    Octagon- you all better schedule an opening act because the main event won’t last long. Bro Mike USED to be my big brother, not so much anymore. There isn’t a single event that he is as strong, fast or athletic as I am. Thanks CrossFit.
    Bro Mike, my arms are sore, but it didn’t stop me from kicking your ass Saturday, Monday or today.

  21. Sean T (and the rest of you Honey Badgers),
    Also from Wikipedia: (1) “…instead bearing more anatomical similarities to weasels.”
    And (2) “The honey badger possesses an anal pouch which…is reversible.”
    Let’s review what we’ve learned today: honey badgers = anal-pouched weasels.

  22. Just got the wiki article on Chupacabras. Nice Sabrina. It literally means “Goat Sucker.” So you are going for the conquer your goats angle, but to me it sounds more like a team of people who give blow jobs to goats.

  23. Monica

    Liz and Sean T., see you for another hardcore workout tonight! Edgar, good job getting the workout done early. We will all have to strategy session over the clue sometime soon.
    Also, to further show-off our team’s use of dictionaries in addition to our increasing skills in the box:
    Urban Dictionary – Honeybadger
    A male whose sexual habits with females honeys are forceful, strong, aggressive and fiercely persistent, like a badger, which, pound for pound, is the fiercest mammal in North America, and is capable of fighting off much larger animals. A honey badger might be the smaller guy, but he’ll win. A guy who is really really good in bed.

  24. Sean T.

    Ross,
    The Honey Badger’s anal pouch serves a very distinct purpose. Again, from Wikipedia:
    “The smell of the pouch is reportedly “suffocating”, and may assist in calming bees when raiding beehives.”
    Boom! How that is not a desirable evolutionary trait?

  25. Team TIGER BLOOD is accepting challenges from ANY team to a mini throwdown before the real deal. Losing team buys “WINNING” team drinks at the Corner bar afterward. Coaches contact me if you want a taste of our Adonis DNA.

  26. Sean, that just sounds like smelly butt syndrome to me.
    And Monica, don’t make me post the 3rd and 4th definitions of “Honey Badger” to this website.

  27. Sarah W

    So proud of my team!!

  28. harlan

    Maybe the Chupacabras want to suck some of our DNA?
    Or lets see if the “Horny” Badgers really have anything

  29. dang the smack talking just got real. I dunno where my team is to represent, so to avoid getting raped by overly aggressive stank-ass badgers and goat sucking chimichangas — I’ll just take a step back and watch you guys fight it out 🙂

  30. Justin, the Chupacabras will either be sucking the lifeblood out of our goats or giving them bj’s, whatever it takes to conquer double unders and legit pushups!

  31. brother mike

    Harlan, given where Tiger (Woods) has been, you might want to get that blood tested.
    Not to mention what is with the chalupas and the salad tossing (check that one in your urban dictionary) honey badgers (and given someone’s citation of small forceful guys as good in bed I think she might be distracted if an angry pushy dwarf shows up to the throwdown).
    As for Matt, what he isn’t telling you is that he talked to Justin and Travis about getting me to join CFES for months before I did. Not only did he talk to them about me joining, but he told them that in a few months I would be stronger, faster and have a bigger engine than he does. I am thinking they looked at him a bit crosseyed when I showed up weighing as much as Big Rob, but that has changed a bit.
    After 2 years of Crossfit, Matt is pretty good. He beat me by two rounds on Saturday- but he admitted that was all due to bj technique, which he has perfected through lots and lots of bjs- and ten reps this morning, so today he is marginally better than me with my whole 7 months of crossfit. But that margin is shrinking every single day and he is looking over his shoulder seeing me coming. He knows I am about to overtake him. Will it happen tomorrow? Will it happen on May 14? He claims that he is up at 3 am feeding babies, but the reality is he is up worrying about when he gets Kenso’d or worse by Brother Mike.

  32. GOD I LOVE THIS! ALL OF YOU ROCK for blogging this much! The horny badgers, the DNA sucking Chupacabras, the JERK FACE team of Josh… Seriously, I am thinking this could make for an amazing Mad Libbs if someone would like to get creative. I will start Today the Horny BADGERS just _______________(Verb) the __________________ (NOUN) out of the Chupacabras. When will the Jerk Face’s (Next person)

  33. I’d just like to say to all the Newbies out there-
    Go back and look at the blog archives from the very beginning…when none of us took ourselves too seriously. We’ve all been the newbie. I just pulled it up and it’s fun to look at “the old days.” Great luck in the Throwdown! You are going to be so proud of yourselves after the competition.
    And P brothers- the mom in me says- “I don’t want to hear it! Go work it out yourselves. Leave me out of it!”

  34. John Michelmore

    P Bros…..sounds like the guantlet has been thrown!!! Will be watching and listening for more!

  35. I’m too sick to come up with a comeback so I’ll leave that to Harlan for our team…but
    I <3 my Newbie Throwdown team. You guys (coach Harlan, Sully and Jay)have SO much heart and are super encouraging! Loved working out as a team yesterday. Mondays at 5:30PM TEAM TIGER BLOOD baby!

  36. Monica

    Mike – Spending a NON-billable hour on the phone with AT&T (still) can do that to a girl. In all seriousness though, I just could not resist posting it . . . it was too much entertainment in light of my day thus far.

  37. Amy Muraki

    Totally blows that I am missing out on all of this fun!!!
    A friend of mine posted this on her FB page today:
    WOD:
    * 100 Burpees, run 1 mile
    * 100 Squats, run 1 mile
    * 100 Sit-ups, run 1 mile
    * 100 Push-ups, run 1 mile
    * 100 Pull-ups, run 1 mile
    Can you say fucking retarded?!?!
    For all of those that aren’t on bed rest- feel free to try it (or NOT)

  38. After carefully reading Chris’ notes, and reviewing the movie clip, my conclusion is that Chris wants us to disabuse ourselves of our day-to-day delusional state of mind, and get to a higher level of reality. This is confirmed by the absurd “hitchhiker” scene. Absurdity is a typical Zen master teaching aid. Put another way, worrying about individual exercises is a trap. Worry about applying your fitness and strength to whatever reality demands of you, even if you think the task is beyond you. Cheers.

  39. Monica… So… What you’re saying is that you’re a guy who’s really good in bed?
    Looks like the honey badgers will be too busy chasing tail to win the throwdown… Opponent 1 eliminated. And Harlan along with the rest of Sheen’s nut huggers will die of some sort of OD… pick your poison. The Pearson’s will spend more time bickering than training… I think we win. Drinks on Harlan? Or Big Rob… Better yet, drinks on Justin for jabbing and not even being on a team. Uncool homie.

  40. Mike P, I am not the toughest, or the strongest, or the fastest, but as Justin said it’s how you play the game. And I KNOW YOUR WEAKNESSES. I will be speaking Rrrussian to yourr kettlebell – it will feel like 10 poods just landed on you :D.

  41. Amy, only if a gun were pointed at my head. That is just a masochistic pain-storm!

  42. Amy… So… It’s Angie + burpees + a 4 mile puke fest… Sounds like something that needs to have gone on Brooke’s blog yesterday.

  43. I’m thinking the first event needs to include eating Bacon. Or Honey Badger… Something to disqualify vegetarians.
    Also…. Look at the Honey badger running in slow motion. Hell, all the teams except The Bear run in slow motion.

  44. Plug your nostrils. Olga’s taking a fat poo pre-throwdown.

  45. Scott Charles, you are on to something! Good luck in figuring out this clue! Kudos zen master!

  46. Matt P., Chupacabras may not run fast, but they hop like a mofo. So bring your best box jumps, Bears. Can Bears even jump?

  47. Liz

    Honey Badger don’t give a shit!!!
    Bring it on people. We are not ashamed of our Ugly Anal Pouch it only adds to the fierceness of our resolve to kick all your asses and still have plenty of time to chase so tail too…

  48. brother mike

    Amy, I am shocked that the voice in the Honey Badger didn’t mention the anal glands but I am totally unsurprised that he was fascinated by the snake eating. Oh, and have your friend call me, she sounds fun.
    Olga has discovered my weakness- exotic women speaking foreign languages saying things I will assume are dirty.
    Matt is so desparate he is seeking to disqualify me rather than face defeat.
    Sean, if you think Monica is a guy you have so many issues I am not worried about you in this competition and I think that what this blog today has shown is that this is as much of a Pearson-down as a throw down and all others will be crushed in the mighty battle.
    Sabrina- I don’t know about jumping, seems to me all that bears do is pood in the woods. I think that might help them on kettlebells, but I think that the pood sticks to their fur so in the long run its a shitty proposition. And on the asking for box jumps- when your ‘animal’ is usually thought to be a rabid hairless coyote, I am not sure how much jumping it does and given the choice between being a rabid hairless coyote or a taco-burrito hybrid thing from The Border, I would think you would prefer to be called the chalupas.

  49. david mering

    if the clue is tied to the previous post “there’s something about mary” I am guessing more sled pull is on the way.

  50. Edgar

    Haha… gotta love the blog today! There appears to be a lot of hating on the honey badger!
    Again, to quote the awesome announcer… “Honey badger don’t care, honey badger don’t give a shit!”
    The chupacabras, bears, jerkoffs and all others teams are going have to be just like the birds and jackals in the video. They are going to have to wait around to pick up the scraps!

  51. Hey… 80 minutes until WOD 11.3 is announced.
    Big Rob has been sacrificing small animals in the woods hoping for CrossFit Total (Max DeadLift + Max Back Squat + Max strict press= Score).

  52. Big Rob

    Lol this shit is awesome… wishing I had volunteered to make a team.

  53. If only I could smack-talk opposing counsel like this…

  54. brother mike

    I do smack talk opposing counsel like this.
    Big Rob, aren’t you really your own team?
    Matt- was Rob sacrificing them, eating them, or giving them saki?

  55. Waiting in agony for 11.3.
    Power cleans, please!
    Matt P. Say what you want about running, but bears can’t even run down a hill with their dinky T-Rex style arms.

  56. adam k

    Matt – That’s so cute that you still think HQ will release the WOD @ EXACTLY 5pm after consistently failing to do so. I pegged you for a faster learner than that…
    Team The Bear and Team Tiger Blood: You’ve now lost the ability to intimidate others. See video. http://jezebel.com/#!5788935/abandoned-bear-cubs-cuddle-with-baby-tiger-pal

  57. brother mike

    This just in- Matt P. is so scared he is trying to get someone else to captain his team . . .

  58. Ahahaha, Sean V. whatever it takes!
    What a fun day on the blog it’s been… Hope the event is just as good.

  59. Sean T.

    WOD #3
    AMRAP 5 Minutes Squat Clean and Jerk 165#

  60. DAMN THESE AMRAPS!
    … HEY! Something heavy! *Happy dance*

  61. Let the fast jerking jokes begin…

  62. IT’S UP PEOPLE!!! YET ANOTHER AMRAP…SQUAT CLEAN AND JERK!!!

  63. …and a bit on the heavier side

  64. I just realized my last 1RM squat clean is less than this… It’s been a while, though… This is gonna eat me alive…
    Hoo-rah!

  65. Adam…. BOOM.. Right on time.
    Hmmmm 165# squat clean & jerk…. For 5 minutes. How long can 5 minutes really seem, right?

  66. Edgar

    Same boat as Sean but I guess we’ll figure that out tomorrow. On the bright side, we still have a couple of days to get super strong! 🙂

  67. adam k

    (*Open mouth. Insert foot*)

  68. brother mike

    @sabrina-
    Snatch is soooo much batter than fast jerk.
    165# is not my max for squat clean or jerk, but it will be a tough 5 minutes.

  69. brother mike

    Just to show us there will be badasses, someone has posted a score of 61 rounds already.

  70. jsully

    hey “smash” jay and harlan – great job on the team tiger blood workout yesterday! ashley feel better. your one lung workout was strong! harlan – you were amazing after your root canal.
    jay – is your wife liking your hands today?
    i can smell the victory! jsully

  71. WhoooHooo for 165# squat clean and jerks!!!

  72. Big Rob

    “I must crush you”…. is how I feel about this workout.

  73. Big Rob

    Keep it going lets get 100 posts before the day is over.

  74. “You will crush me” is how I feel when I think about this workout.

  75. @ Sabrina- Fast jerking? This one is gonna be slow, real slow… though, far from smooth or sensual.

  76. Yowsa. I think this is a record.
    Bro Mike the last bit you need to do is eat meat. And I don’t mean some sick, twisted whatever, I mean animal meat. Like pork, chicken…beef! C’mon!!!
    The Push Up Graciosus is gonna kick ass. But besides that I learned today that Dawn, Ryan and Shem joined in June, August and February, respectively. You can trash talk all you want, but what do you KNOW about your team?

  77. Newbie Throwdown: Sign me up as a volunteer

  78. kari

    after reading all this wod, jerking, pushing, pulling,whatever…now really too tired–hope i get points, or not for something….

  79. cort

    I don’t even know what to say… this trash talk and innuendo is impressive!
    My team is finally together… I think! Dana, Blake, and Kira! Let’s get after it!

  80. Amy Muraki

    oh! if i’m off bedrest by the newbie throwdown count me in to help at the medical aid station…. i BETTER be off by then!!!!