5 Sets:
Snatch Deadlift
High Hang Snatch
Mid-Thigh Snatch
Snatch
AMRAP 7 Minutes:
5 ea. KB Suitcase Deadlift
5 ea. KB Snatch
5 ea. KB Clean and Press
5 ea. KB Overhead Squat
10 Chest to Bar Pull Ups
On April 4, 2011, I dragged my 40-year old self into CrossFit East Sac and, that day, my life was changed. I know how cliche that sounds, but it’s absolutely true. The previous two years had been the most trying years of my life. I had given birth to identical twin girls very prematurely at 25 weeks (Mina was 1lb 8oz and Emi was 1lb 6 oz), but we lost Mina after just 2 days, and Emi was in the NICU for five and a half months before coming home at just 6 lbs. I was in absolute survival mode with all of my focus on doing what little I could to mother Emi while she was in the hospital hooked up to a myriad of machines and for the first 1.5 years she was home just with us without the 24-hour care of medical professionals keeping her alive. The stress of that lifestyle compounded with the grief of losing Mina resulted in me ballooning to 150 lbs, and a size 10, at 5-foot tall.
I spiraled into depression, affirmatively angry at my body for failing me as a woman and as a mother, for failing Mina and Emi for not being able to carry to term . . or just a week or two longer. At one point, I was acutely aware that I had so disassociated with my body that I actually considered it another entity, separate from myself . .an “it” that I hated through and through. It didn’t matter that I knew better. That I knew that there was nothing that I did to make it happen and nothing I could’ve done to change the outcome. It just happened.
Having been a very goal-oriented person my whole life, I had never been in a situation before where there was absolutely nothing I could do to effect the outcome. I remember standing a couple of feet away from Mina’s incubator, summoning all of my will and energy to try and freeze time because, in that moment, I still had two daughters and I was still Mina’s mommy, as well as Emi’s. Of course, time passed, indifferent to my plight, and Mina was gone a few minutes later.
The effect that Mina’s loss and Emi’s subsequent prolonged NICU stay had on me was profound. I felt like a victim of my life and all of my desire, confidence and belief that I was the mistress of my universe just faded away. I wasn’t living my life, I was floating through it.
After my first On-Ramp class back in April 2011, I remember feeling that I had finally found the one thing that would help me to uncover and find that kick-ass bitch that once was . . not kick-ass compared to anyone else, just kick-ass compared to myself/who I was at the time. CrossFit gave me small and attainable goals I could work towards: keep coming to class 3 times a week and doing what they tell you to do for just one hour . . . do just one more rep, go just 1 minute longer, put just 2 more pounds on that bar. After having been in a situation where there was nothing I could do to effect the outcome of anything, I welcomed the opportunity to just “pick shit up and then put it down,” knowing that if I did it consistently and long enough that there would be measurable improvement in my strength or, simply, that I would just be able to pick up heavier shit and then put it down. That was enough of an incentive to keep me coming back.
Although I had done gymnastics from 9 to 14 years old, that didn’t help much during my first day of class when I was hanging from the pull-up bar, wondering to myself in dismay, “Is it actually possible for me to dislocate my shoulders by just hanging here?” Apparently, twelve years of sitting on the couch, watching all of my great TV shows had done absolutely nothing for my athletic prowess. My first WOD was a 200M Run, then 15/12/9 Goblet Squats (18#), Knee Push-ups, Jumping Pull-ups and a 200M Run. I thought I was going to die, but I had never felt more alive!
That first day, the little competitor in me jumped up and said, “Yay! I’m back! Let’s go find out what we can work towards!” So, I walked up to Justin, introducing myself, asking, “So, what are all of the different levels of classes and how long before I can move onto the next one, and when do you think I could enter my first competition?” I’m pretty sure he was amused at the delusional ramblings of this 40-year old out of shape woman or maybe just used to it because he answered my questions with a straight face, and so began my love affair with the sport of CrossFit.
I did my first competition at Moxie Madness in November 2011 and I think we came in last (or second to last), but it was so awesome to be out there. I entered as many competitions as I could and was either dead last or very near to dead last in most of them. In one of the competitions, it took me 5 minutes to get 7 chest to bar pull-ups in a 7-minute WOD. . .in front of the entire venue of spectators. At one point, I looked at my judge and wondered if anyone would notice if I just didn’t get back up there and slid back into the audience. Well, I didn’t leave and I’ve continued to use competitions as a way for me to just keep on challenging myself. I’m no longer dead last, but I’m not a top level competitor either. I’m in the middle somewhere, and as long as my body allows me to, I’ll continue to challenge it through competitions and classes.
I’ve dropped down to 130 lbs and am a size 2 now. I’m able to climb a rope, snatch 108 lbs, jerk 148 lbs, back squat 183 lbs and run a mile in under 8 minutes. I feel like a kid again . . . all full of potential and hope and desire!
Whatever the outcome, I know that it’s a result of some action I’ve taken (or not) or decision I’ve made (or not). Nothing is left to chance in your progress in CrossFit. That’s what’s so awesome about it: it’s empowering and through this empowerment, I’ve reawakened the inner mistress of my universe and, in some way, have been able to heal and forgive myself/my body for not being able to carry my babies longer and not being able to do anything to keep Mina with us.
Thanks to CrossFit, I’m the healthiest I’ve been in my life, but most importantly, I’m the happiest and most fulfilled I’ve been in a very long time. My undying love and gratitude to the coaches, the members, and our community which have all played such transformative roles in the life of this once hopeless, distraught, and lost soul.
